A Fuller Plate

In true "Julie" fashion...i've gone and added more to my plate.

You know...because I really REALLY need more to do, I'm aching for more to do with my oh-so-empty days.

Riiight.

So...I've opened another Etsy shop. Randomography. And it is as it sounds. It's the place for "everything else."

Like these paper flowers:

I LURVE this one...it feels very Anthropologie to me. And don't we all love Anthropologie?

You can find my new shop HERE. If my sewing keeps heading the way it is now...that might end up in the shop too.

And maybe some of my 1980s mix-tapes.

Or corkboards.

Or screenprinted bags.

...

Are you beginning to see how special my husband is for having married me?

Tulsa Flea Market Finds

I hit up the Tulsa Flea Market on Saturday for the first time ever...and was pleasantly surprised. Marty took Ethan next door (the upper level of the Quiktrip Building at the Fairgrounds) to the Gun Show, and Hannah and I pilfered the flea market.

I got the goods...

I went in looking for linens to use in my sewing...and found a great tablecloth, and some freakin' awesome hankies. I'm a total sucker for hankies.

My favorite find? These nesting canisters circa 1960s...
There are four of them...and I'm totally in love. Vintage love. Hippie love. Love, love, love.

Not sure if I want to add these hankies to my daily rotation...or add them into a sewing project. We'll see.

The Tulsa Flea Market is every saturday, 8-5, in the Quiktrip building at the Fairgrounds. Free entry.

Sustenance

On Understanding God

Sunday morning swept me off my feet. I had the rug pulled out from underneath me, and I've yet to find my footing.

I've had brushes with tragedy my whole life. Somebody my Dad know's had something horrible happen to them...the person who used to live next to us is experiencing terrible circumstances...my old teacher and her struggles with cancer...etc. Never before had it been this personal.

One of my most dear friends (God thought it proper to give me a few) called me Sunday morning.

"Julia? I have bad news...we lost Aubrey."

My friend was 7 months pregnant, due on my birthday with a beautiful little girl (their first, after struggling to get pregnant for 5 years).

I remember getting another call from Courtney, my friend, months ago...a call to tell me the one thing I'd been waiting to hear from her for years.

"Julia? I've got something to tell you..."

Me: "ARE YOU???"

I was met by an overwhelming "Yes!" and joy rushed my heart with abandon. Tears sprung to my eyes and I beamed. Straight-out-of-my-chest beamed.

Courtney and her husband Sam had been trying to have a baby since the day they got married...5 years. Late last year they decided to undergo three rounds of AI treatments before they began the adoption process. On their second treatment they found success, and with it, hope.

Now, I think i'm a pretty alright mom. I care for my kids, and I think they enjoy me (when I'm holding chocolate). But Courtney and Sam? They are meant to be parents. They love deeper than any couple I've ever met...with every fiber in their beings.

And yet God kept her from conceiving for 5 years...or, He didn't make any grand gestures in her favor to give her a child. I don't understand it.

And, clearly, I'm not meant to. The anal, need-to-control-the-situation part of my psyche gets really pissed off by this notion.

On days like last Sunday, when Courtney told me that she hadn't felt Aubrey move the day before, and had headed to the doctor to make sure she was alright...I can't help but feel that God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass while we scramble around the anthill.

When she told me there was no heartbeat, and that she would have to deliver her sweet little girl, the girl we'd hoped, and prayed, and rejoiced over, I felt like we'd all been abandoned.

Why would a loving God do this? What point does it serve? What good is accomplished?

I think these are the questions people were asking when Christ was left to die on that cross. They didn't know there would be a resurrection in the days to come...they saw the injustice and pain of someone so undeserving of both.

I'm hoping for a resurrection on the horizon...something to validate all of this. I'm expecting it. I'm expecting God to show Himself in a mighty way and prove to me that this loss was necessary. And justified. He doesn't owe it to me...and yet I expect it.

In the meantime, after enduring 33 hours of labor to bring forth her precious Aubrey, Courtney and Sam get to bury their daughter on Wednesday morning. They'll buy an impossibly small casket and lay her in the ground with all the gentleness and care they've shown the past 6 months. And then they'll wait...wait until eternity to see her alive and vibrant.

I can take comfort in one thing...and one thing alone (at this point, anyway). That the only thing Aubrey will ever know is the comfort of the womb; the muffled, but soothing voices of her mom and dad; and an eternity in a place of no sorrow or struggle. God, at least, spared her the hurts that life brings.

I hope for Courtney a heart that will mend. Scarred in a huge way, but mended. That her arms will cradle a baby in the future. That she can smile again. And that she can look back on this, years down the road, and see with crystal clarity why she was allowed to endure this.

As for me, I continue to pray for peace. Peace and strength for the days ahead. And for understanding.

I just had to...

Now, I know I said that all Feather by Feather posts would be contained to the blog I set up for it HERE, but I really couldn't help myself...I had had to share this little lady with all of y'all. er...the 6 of you who read this. (that's not bitterness you hear...just good 'ole feelings of failure).

Little miss Presley modeled the newest addition to the Feather by Feather line...Infant headbands! Completely impractical (unless your baby doesn't feel the need to grab at anything on their head with the strength of 10 grown men), but oh-so-stinkin-cute.

They'd make a great prop for pictures! Besides...they give me an excuse to make baby things. Hopefully I'll be making baby things for my own baby in the next year.

Ovaries...what are they good for?

This is Love

I read this today from a Tweet...and it's all I can think of. 5 hours later...it's all I can think of.

This is a letter that Richard Feynman wrote to his wife Arline in 1946. She had been dead for 2 years.

For any men reading...this is how a woman wants to be loved. And women...this is the legacy of love we need to leave for our husbands and children. There is such truth in this letter; such a profoundly simple expression of the love we all crave.

The original posting is here. Thanks to Chase Reeves for tweeting this.

The letter:

To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946

D'Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart ... It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector.

Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried.

Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want to stand there.

I'll bet that you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls ... and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead,

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

Blog Love--New Dress a Day

And now for a new segment here on My Life in Sweatpants. Blog Love Fridays. A new blog that i've fallen in love with every friday. Let's do this.

I can't even remember where I first found out about the fantastic New Dress A Day...but since that day my life has forever been changed. For reals. Since I've started on my path to becoming the worlds greatest seamstress (stop laughing), I've been totally sucked in to many sewing blogs. But let me tell you a secret...this one is my favorite.

This super-cool chic Marisa decided, after being inspired by Julie & Julia, that she'd embark on a fashion journey for one year. With 365 days, 365 dollars, and 365 items of clothing.

Check out some of my favorites...

Lemme break it down for you...she buys thrift store items, and refashions them to something FATNASTIC. My favorite part though...she's not doing anything super-complicated to these pieces...we're talking smart alterations and innovative re-purposing.

INSPIRATIONAL.

And she's frakin' adorable on top of it. Our local Goodwill has seen a rise in profits from me due to this blog.

Go check out New Dress A Day and just TRY to keep yourself from hitting the "Older Posts" button until you've reached the beginning.