It's Killing time here at the Colburn Household. I am on the hunt for both feline and fowl...and blast if I won't shoot on sight.
During the winter I noticed that some filthy, stinkin' cat had been using the kids sailboat sandbox as a litter box. Just the other day I noticed that, apparently he has grown bored with the sand and has moved to crapping in my rubber mulch...MY EXPENSIVE RUBBER MULCH. I promptly went out and bought some cat food and laced it, ever so carefully, with rat poison.
Not really...but that only because I think pegging it with a BB gun would bring me worlds more satisfaction.
And then today, after torrential rains, hazardous winds, and hail...my hubs came and got me from the office (where I'd been working on prints) to show me this:
At first I didn't know what he was trying to show me...until I saw the suspicious substance peeking from underneath the lid of the grill. What is that? Does that belong in a grill?
Closer inspection confirmed my fears:
In case anyone is keeping tabs...I now hate Cats and Birds. I now want to kill both the cat and the bird that are trying to domesticate in my space.
In case anyone is keeping tabs...I now hate Cats and Birds. I now want to kill both the cat and the bird that are trying to domesticate in my space.And you know what? I think it's some kind of conspiracy. The Cat, got with the bird (showing great personal restraint, of course) and told him to help in tormenting the human.
Cat: Hello bird...you smell awfully nice. (salivating). I've got a proposition for you.
Bird: (trembling in terror) Please don't eat me.
Cat: The human that lives in this house has a short fuse, and it's a riot to see her all red-faced when she sees the lovely piles I've made in her sandbox and nice mulch.
Bird: Please don't eat me.
Cat: You could help me with my evil plot to bring about her ultimate demise. Why don't you build your nest in the shiny silver object on the patio. She's been very excited about the warmer weather...she seems to enjoy cooking things on it. It would be such a wonderful surprise for her to see your nest built inside of it. Oh...and please poop as much as birdly possible to make the cleanup absolute hell.
5 comments:
Oh gross! How in the world did a bird get in your grill in the first place. I don't blame you for wanting to pelt them with bb's; however, I must say that that is one very smart bird!!
OMG YOU HAVE TO BE THE FUNNIEST DARN PERSON I KNOW....WE ARE TALKING TEARS WITH THE LAUGHTER!!!
I HAVE A BB GUN IF YOU WANNA BORROW IT!!!!!
seriously...that is CRAZY! How in the world did the bird get into the grill? Oh, that's what a previous commenter wrote...oh well. And the cat thing...happens FREQUENTLY in our front flower beds...same cat, you think??
Instead of poisoning or shooting a poor homeless animal, you might try taking it to a shelter for adoption or using a cat-deterrer spray found at any pet store. Given all your writings about the christian spirit, this may be a more "christian" approach and one setting a far better example to your children than that of violence.
Just a thought.
Of course the cat talked the bird into building it's nest there. It was hoping to have barbequed bird for dinner.
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